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Billy Ray Spencer goes to Sunday school – Part One

 

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My name is Billy Ray Spencer and I was brought up in a family that thought you had to go to church every time the door was opened. So. I went happily along to Sunday school every Sunday; no questions asked!   And BOY am I glad I went because I learned some strange things there!

The first thing I learned is that there is no use in going to kinder garden. All they do there is get you to run around, chase each other, and swing a lot; anything to wear you down so you will go to sleep and be quite during church.

Do you remember when in the first or maybe second grade; the very first thing you heard was about this baby they put in a picnic basket, one of those woven wooden things made out of thin, flat wood with a handle and then expected it to float?

It was the first Sunday of the new school year and our teacher said, “Now if everyone will sit down and be very, very quiet, I will tell you a story about a little tiny baby that was put into a basket and placed in the water and how this little baby was kept from drowning.”

Well now, THAT got our attention! So we all plopped down on the floor and got real quite because this could prove to be interesting! How could they be sure that little baby didn’t drown?

It seems there was a bunch of people called Hee’brews, or something like that, and they all got made into slaves to make brick for this bunch of evil people called Egypsies—right out in the middle of the hot, burning sands of the desert.   But.  They never told me why they needed brick right out in the middle of that hot burning sand. That wasn’t in the story, and to this day, I don’t know why they were making brick out there in that hot, burning sand.

Then the Egypsies declared that all the little Hee’brews babies that were born would have to be killed. Yep!  Right then and there. First thing!    Right off the bat!

But there was one momma and daddy who decided that they wasn’t going to kill their baby and they thought and thought of a way to save the baby. Then daddy hit upon a plan. He would take some thin, flat wood and weave a picnic basket and put some soft cloth in it and put the baby in that and let it float on the water till he come home from being a slave and making brick all day—then he would go and get the baby.

We all listened pretty hard for quite a bit, but then Bronc, who is pretty big for a first grader, up and jumped on little Jimmy Rice who is a second grader. Well Bronc, who is twice as big as Jimmy—Bronc, he jumped on Jimmy’s back and started choking ‘Little Jimmy’, and twisting his arm up behind his back.

So the teacher could see that she had a pretty bad case of boar-drums on her hands.

Cause after the teacher got them two separated, the girls started having to go to the bathroom, All cept me, ‘cause, I ain’t no girl’—an I wanted to know if that basket with the little baby would float!

But the teacher must’uv already received a prophetic message that things were going to go that way, and she was prepared. Cause she reached down somewhere and whipped out a stack of paper with an outline of a man in a bathrobe, with the sleeves rolled up, and a towel wrapped around his head. Did I say he had a big black beard? Any ways he was standing knee deep in water with all these canes and cattails around him and he was putting a little baby in a picnic basket down gently into the water.        

I suppose she had another prophetic message too, we are pretty big on prophecy in that church, not that we would handle snakes or anything like that, but we believed in the strong presence of the Lord. Or, maybe it were an angel that whispered in her ear that this guy with the bathrobe had a lotta’ skin showing on his arms, and both legs, but not too much on his face because he had this beard, and like I said, a towel around his head.

What the prophetic message to the teacher was—’is that even in the big box of 54 Crayolas’ there is still only ONE flesh colored Crayola that is ‘flesh’ colored’. So, she had taken that one little flesh colored Crayola and cut it into 4 parts and stirred it up with all the other broken, and some not so broken Crayolas’ that’us in the cigar box.

So everyone got busy coloring and it sorta’ quieted down while the teacher went on with her story. Then someone hollered, “Whirs’ the flesh? Who’s got the flesh colored cra’nola?”

About that time the pudgy little girl with the two orangy pigtails that’us sitting right cross from me shouted, “Use the pink! Use the pink, it’s just as good as flesh!”

Well now. I don’t know, and I doubt if she knew, if the Hee’brews or the Egypsies or both, had pink skin, but she seemed to think they did, or she was shamming us quite a bit.

Well—right then and there I would’a bet my shoes an both my socks that that little pudgy girl with the orange freckels, was coloring with ONE of the ‘flesh’ colored cra’nolas and had the other three pieces of the flesh colored cray’nolas fast in her other sweaty little hand, and I sure didn’t need no prophecy for that!

That was about as far as we got that Sunday and I’ll swear that I didn’t sleep a wink any that night, or any other night, that week, cause I’d just lay there all night and worry bout’ them allie’gaters and that poor little baby out in the reeds an water all by itself.

Stay tuned and next week When I find out, I’ll tell you if that little baby got ate by the allie-gaters or not.

Your Friend,

Billy Ray Spencer